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Where is Moldova, anyway?

Musings on my Peace Corps experience in this small, Eastern European, Republic.
 

One Year Later

Friday, December 18, 2009

I've been in America for a year now - and - time is still being funny with me. Sometimes I feel as if my time in Moldova was ages ago, other times it feels like yesterday. Either way, I miss it tremendously - both the people that I met there, and the idea of Peace Corps - working and living everyday as part of a mission, an adventure.

It may sound corny - but that is what it was.

Imagine having your whole life, every move that you make, scrutinized...
Imagine not knowing what to expect, ever, when doing your day to day activities because you are living in a culture that although you are familiar with, is not your own...
Imagine that the littlest things - from talking to a neighbor to getting your mail - were part
of your job, because your job was cultural exchange...
Imagine that you always feel part of a bigger picture, a bigger Peace Corps mission, and being
able to deal with the small things, the frustrations, through that lens...
Imagine, now because of these things every moment of your day really mattering.

I guess that has been my biggest shock since I came back - the lack of meaning in my day to day activities, and the lack of tie in to a larger goal. Most PCVs and ex-pats, upon returning to the States, will feel a loss of "specialness" of "uniqueness" but I think what I'm feeling is more than that - that feeling I expected, and was able to properly label and understand. Don't get me wrong (if you have read my blog you know this already), I'm not romanticizing either life nor my time in Moldova - there were ups and there were way downs - and I'm thankful now to be closer to my family and friends, and within a 10 minute drive of a store selling peanut butter. It's just, while I was in Moldova, I always felt like what I was doing mattered.

Now, however, back in the US I sometimes feel like I am floating. Even though I am in graduate school, with a plan - working towards a degree in Community Psychology - a degree that will no doubt give me the skills to continue doing the type of work I was doing in Moldova - it's too easy to feel disconnected with a bigger picture, with larger goals, like my day to day actions don't really matter. This has left me very susceptible to getting caught up in the little stuff, to loosing touch with the energy of the kids I work with, and to forgetting how good it felt to get one small win - such as 10 minutes with the mayor, or one parent telling us they are happy their kids are working with us - in our village.

Today, for instance, I was frustrated because I spent an hour trying to get Dell customer support on the phone to help fix my dad's printer, frustrated that I kept having to repeat information like my phone number and email address to the various people I was transfered to. Last year at this time I would have been jumping for joy for a stable internet connection. Where has my patience, perspective gone?

I have to admit, I delayed posting on my blog since leaving Moldova because I was waiting for something insightful to say. Some overarching, cumulative, thought-provoking post. It never came to me, so you were left with this rambling and unfocused post, and for that I apologize. I just had to get it out. Maybe the take home lesson is this: it's not over, and that is why I don't have a conclusion to come to (sounds like a good excuse for a poor post, yeah?).

Youth development and leadership are still alive and kicking in Singerei. The first "generation" of kids I worked with are now in college and away from the village. My partner is in Belgium, doing her own "Peace Corps" type experience with a European non-profit. And the class and center are being run by a new "generation." I like the continuity, the "life after" - the progress. But it's weird thinking of "my" project going on without me.

The kids who graduated feel the same way - it's not a jealous thing, it's more an eeriness - a look at it go - type feeling. One of the kids I worked with, now in college in Romania, described it as "having a baby, teaching the baby to talk - and then handing it off to some other parents who will teach it to walk - and just trusting them to take care of your baby." Elegantly put. :)

Graduate school is a funny time - because it's a lot about preparing - while Peace Corps was a lot about learning while you do. Hopefully, in the next year, I will be able incorporate more doing, more real world into my education. And, the stamps in my passport are getting lonely... I'm ready for more travels, and to be honest, I miss my Moldovan friends.

Hope all of you have a healthy and happy 2010! La multi Ani, cu sanatatea si fereceria! (See I still got the Romanian... sort of!). :)



 
   





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