Defining Characteristic(s)
I am, generally, very happy in the Peace Corps. I enjoy the work that I do with youth, feel like I am an actual part of my community, and like the sense of adventure that comes with living and working in a foreign country and culture.
However, I long for the days when my defining characteristic will no longer be "American." Anyone describing me, meeting me, or talking about me here in my village will not say "the short girl with curly hair," "the one that works with the youth council," or you know "she reads a lot, spends a lot of time hiking around the village, likes chocolate." No, my reference is always the "American girl." Nameless, description-less, (or as they might think of it -- very descriptive), impersonal. Yet, a solid reference -- without question the person on the listening end of the conversation will know the dialog is about me.
I guess I am getting tired both of being seen simply as an American (I really am more than that...), and as being seen as representative of American culture as a whole (for example: "Sharon, why do Americans wear their clothes so loose?" Me: "Who said Americans do this?," Questioner: "you do it..."). It's exhausting being a representative of a culture, sometimes you want to (and do) eat chocolate for lunch, in your pajamas at 2pm without wondering what the neighbors will think of "Americans". It's also frustrating that when I am described without the word American, it is by such impersonal and surface characteristics - the girl who runs, the one who wears sandals, the one with the backpack, who speaks Romanian with a funny accent...
It's as if coming here I lost some of my identity (as an individual - as Sharon), but gained a new perspective on who I am (If you asked me in the states to use three words to describe myself, American would not be one of them. Here, it might be -- because although it doesn't explain differences that exist, it shows why they exist -- I'm an outsider). Recently, some of my friends in my village have been getting to know me better, both thanks to my increased language skills and the increased amount of time we spent together -- this has led to more misunderstandings and even disagreements and clashes, as we realize that assumptions we made about each other were merely assumptions -- but I think getting them out in the air makes all the difference. I'm not a clash-free person.
Yes, we are in the Peace Corps, and "come in peace." But that doesn't mean we come in stale, plain, and one-dimensional: American. I'm going to use my remaining 6 months here working towards getting my dimensions back...
However, I long for the days when my defining characteristic will no longer be "American." Anyone describing me, meeting me, or talking about me here in my village will not say "the short girl with curly hair," "the one that works with the youth council," or you know "she reads a lot, spends a lot of time hiking around the village, likes chocolate." No, my reference is always the "American girl." Nameless, description-less, (or as they might think of it -- very descriptive), impersonal. Yet, a solid reference -- without question the person on the listening end of the conversation will know the dialog is about me.
I guess I am getting tired both of being seen simply as an American (I really am more than that...), and as being seen as representative of American culture as a whole (for example: "Sharon, why do Americans wear their clothes so loose?" Me: "Who said Americans do this?," Questioner: "you do it..."). It's exhausting being a representative of a culture, sometimes you want to (and do) eat chocolate for lunch, in your pajamas at 2pm without wondering what the neighbors will think of "Americans". It's also frustrating that when I am described without the word American, it is by such impersonal and surface characteristics - the girl who runs, the one who wears sandals, the one with the backpack, who speaks Romanian with a funny accent...
It's as if coming here I lost some of my identity (as an individual - as Sharon), but gained a new perspective on who I am (If you asked me in the states to use three words to describe myself, American would not be one of them. Here, it might be -- because although it doesn't explain differences that exist, it shows why they exist -- I'm an outsider). Recently, some of my friends in my village have been getting to know me better, both thanks to my increased language skills and the increased amount of time we spent together -- this has led to more misunderstandings and even disagreements and clashes, as we realize that assumptions we made about each other were merely assumptions -- but I think getting them out in the air makes all the difference. I'm not a clash-free person.
Yes, we are in the Peace Corps, and "come in peace." But that doesn't mean we come in stale, plain, and one-dimensional: American. I'm going to use my remaining 6 months here working towards getting my dimensions back...
This entry was posted
on Saturday, May 17, 2008 at 7:30 AM.
